I dreamt about it and with every replay I gave to that video my architecture career seemed heavier and heavier. Almost instantly I began second guessing my every decision to be in that path. Going to class became painful. Sitting there and wasting hours and hours and never feeling like I was getting anything in return. How can this life be wasted in such a manner? As society, what the hell are we thinking? A stressful job doesn't represent an achievement. Now I understand having a stressful job means now knowing any better.
I was going through a lot in my life at that time. I was opening my eyes and waking up for the first time. I decided I wanted to pursue happiness as my only goal and that seem to equal destroying the whole system that educated me in the first place. It represented destroying expectations others had in me, it represented stepping out of the title of being Successful and apparently entering the Loser title instead. Simultaneously, I was breaking up with my boyfriend. I stop going to classes and I needed a breather.
Yoga was the only thing that felt magical to me at that time. I cried during Savasana often. In one of the many Savasanas I had that month I surrendered to the Universe. I realized the suffering that I was living was created by myself and my decision to care about what others said about my life. I surrendered and I prayed, right then and there in my sweaty yoga mat with my open heart towards the sky. I said, I trust what it's going on. Even though I don't understand it, Universe, God, who ever is up there, do with me as you please. Reveal the reason why I was brought to this earth and I will pursue it. I imagined myself becoming a nun haha and the amount of pain I was living made that a reasonable option if that would mean filling connected to Source. I thank the heavens because the Universe had a better plan for me.
Apparently my mission is to help as many people as I can through the things I love doing. I think that´s the mission of us all. A week after that breakdown I experienced and that complete surrender. My mother who wouldn't give me a penny if she could help it gave me more than enough money to ease the transition into adulthood, she claimed. She wanted me to see how hard it is to keep a healthy finance and become an adult, pay bills , etc. To me that sounded like Yoga Teacher Training. She said after every penny was spent she was no longer going to support me financially. Still sounded to me like Yoga Teacher Training. It was a risk. Mayor risk since the course and flight would make me spend all she gave me. I would be back to square one if it failed. But what if it didn't fail? What if this represented for me a whole new path? I couldn't help thinking about that Savasana. Thinking that maybe, the universe heard my prayers. Maybe, certainly, this was it´s way of answering back at me.
Why Costa Rica and not Hawaii? I did my research and my eyes would tear up by just considering the fact that me, that girl who felt never good enough, would actually get to go to Hawaii. I couldn't sleep for a week from the excitement. Before I knew it everything was paid for and I was going to spend 1 month and a half in Hawaii studying Yoga instead on a crappy classroom listening to lessons on how to answer back when bullied by teachers & clients. I dropped out of college, I wasn't going to spend any more sleepless nights in exhaustion to have every teacher tell me I wasn´t good enough. I decided I was good enough so now I am plenty. I pursue my dreams and make a great living out of it.
Lesson: Surrender. Surrender from the bottom of your heart. Step out of the way. The universe knows better than you do. The universe can see ahead and offer you something even better than the dreams you allow yourself to dream. Surrender and allow yourself to be guided.
We all have a unique perspective, we have an obligation to share whatever we learn & experience with others so they can all benefit.